I intend to stop writing social satire once the social stops being satirical.
One of my life’s purposes at this stage is to find as many genuine people as possible. I kindly, yet obsessively remind you, however, that I live in Washington, D.C…Right in the middle of the city, rather than outside in the suburbs.
I enjoy numerous social interactions with a wide range of people. Yet, and unfortunately so, they all seem to have one terribly boring aspect in common. MONEY. And to be more specific, DOLLARS.
While there’s no escaping the need for money, the futility of the conversation about it could save time and, therefore, money itself. I offer a recent example.
Male Person: “Oh, so and so spends TOP DOLLAR for this and that.”
Feminine attitude aside, who cares? Well, in this town, EVERYBODY DOES, except me. Male Person doesn’t know this. So, the selling goes on.
“You should come to that party. It is hosted by so and so. And, they spent TOP DOLLAR for that event.”
(Boredom alert… panicking my wretched, former communist soul.)
“Really?” I ask not even feigning interest.
“Oh yeeeess, they are related to the Grand Duchess of the-who-cares and the heirs to the Rolls Royce of the New York Times.” Or something like that.
Insecurity creeps upon me. I am, supposedly, a writer, yet, I could never even visualize this paranoid of grandeur picture, let alone make it up myself.
“Really?” I repeat myself with the wit of a dead frog.
“Oh, yeeeess, and there will be the Great TOP Donors of Who’s Who paying TOP DOLLAR.”
“You must come, really. It is very cheap to attend. Only $500. People would pay thousands to get to see the Who’s Who and their Top Dollar.”
“REALLY?” I ask, my eyes begging for mercy.
“Oh yeeeess, it’s nothing. $500 . Think about it. NOTHING for these TOP DONORS who pay TOP DOLLAR for their TOP LIVES.”
Deep breath, count to 5 in 3 languages, then I ask:
“Why do they need the $500 I don’t have, for a party I don’t want to go to, even if they paid me $500?”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No, I’m not. I’m actually quite serious.”
“Because all the Who’s Who are going to be there.”
“But if I don’t go, then obviously not all the Who’s Who will be there, right?”
“They will be. You will just be one of the attendees. There will be famous authors – real authors, politicians, ambassadors, the real TOP People with Money, including the guy who bought a $27 million house recently…you know who…”
“Aaaahh, I get it.” Smile.
“How much will I get paid to show up?”
End of story. The ridicule will continue…
